Chapter 8, The Real Fight, part I
One of the greatest lessons I learned upon my return to Christ February 2000 was that my fight is not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities and the evil in heavenly places. Wow, what a revelation for me! I no longer had to fight for what’s mine, no longer did I need to justify myself (past, present or future); no longer did I need to beg people to realize the life-altering transformation that was happening to me. There was no longer a need to defend my honor because the only honor worth defending was that of Jesus, the Christ. The only way to defend His name was to live righteously, holy, humbly, and with utter denial of self.
I now know that, if I have an enemy, it is not the person but the evil behind their actions. Knowing this basic truth of where my enemy actually lies (in the spirit-realm), I can rest knowing Christ is the only proper weapon of mass destruction. No more do I need to hate anyone, be bitter against an oppressor, be angry and vindictive against someone who has broken my heart, and so on. In fact, by identifying the real enemy, I have the utmost mercy for the offender. I can easily pray for those who curse me, bless those who hate me, and give to those who steal from me. No more do I weary myself over those whom I love that are walking in bondage in some form or fashion.
Once it really hit me and buried itself in my spirit that it is absolutely no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me, it changed the entire paradigm of my existence and how I view everything, good and bad. All too often God’s people battle fellow man, for whatever myriad of reasons, and in the process they weaken themselves in all the wrong ways. They stress and strive in their natural man to convince people they need to repent when, unknowingly, they turn people away from that very Christ because of their level of stress, anxiety, nagging, control and manipulation. Love changes people. Rest and peace in the midst of any chaos is proof positive of Christ’s reality.
Fighting one another, constantly in battle with friends, family, co-workers, enemies, or whomever, is not the path to freedom – for you or for them. As we will discuss later, the work of God is complete through Jesus. Since Jesus’ completion of defeating Satan and death, we have no fight, only to surrender to the One who is already victorious. At the risk of oversimplifying, this is the honest truth. I’ve learned (and continue to learn) how to daily surrender people and situations. In so doing, I have rest even when I don’t like what I see or feel. I battle, but only through releasing the blood of Jesus in each and every climate I encounter.
For example, if I’m praying for an addict, I pray this way: “Father, in the name of Jesus, I stand in the gap for __________. I pray for Your blood to cover __________ from the top of his or her head to the soles of his or her feet. By Your power, I thank You that they are delivered from the hand of the enemy. Allow Your righteous right hand to cover them in their weakness. I thank You that Your hand is not so short it can’t reach where they are. By Jesus’ blood, I command the demonic spirits and the generational curse of addiction to be loosed from their assignment over __________.” This is releasing the blood of Jesus and casting your cares upon His shoulders. You cannot carry it.
In fact, because I have weakened myself unto death, I recognize a dead man cannot battle – he’s dead. If I’m dead (metaphorically speaking), Christ, who is my new life, causes me to be victorious even when I cannot see, taste, hear or feel it. It’s done. My warring is through the blood of Jesus, not the flesh; it is not of self-power but of Christ’s. My battling comes with ease in spirit, even when it isn’t necessarily easy for the outward man.
Learning how to battle the enemy through spiritual warfare versus fleshly warfare is a phenomenal element I was missing all my years growing up in a standard denominational church. First, one must begin with taking control of self and all the worldly thoughts that flood our minds day in and day out.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12, NAS).”
“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me (Galatians 2:20, NAS).”
“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him (James 1:12, NAS).”
It’s been 7 ½ weeks since I last wrote because Sophia has been very ill. Shortly after the April 4th blog, she was admitted into the hospital 6 days; it is 2 hours away making the struggle a bit more intense. Test after test, lots of pain for Sophia and many trips back and forth to her specialists (also 2 hours away), they ruled out leukemia and Crohn’s disease, to which I am eternally grateful. Notwithstanding, we’re awaiting other tests to figure out, not only what it isn’t, but what it is. We go to her endocrinologist next week to explore other issues.
In the midst of it all, I must admit, I became wearier than ever before, spirit, mind and body. So much so that, on one occasion when my dad called and said “There are a lot of people praying for her”, the thought crossed through my mind, “for whatever good that’ll do”. I was shocked that even entered my mind, truly. I am a person of faith, nay, great faith. Christ is my life through and through and I make no bones about it. Regardless, that vile thought of faithlessness flitted right in and right back out. At that moment, I realized just how out of spiritual sync I had become. There are times in this life which, left unattended, have the power to utterly crush us. Watching your child in pain 24/7 years on end is one of those times. However, when I heard those words in my own mind, it called me to take notice of my spiritual condition.
Upon further investigation, I found I had been excessively agitated, frustrated and altogether ill at ease all the while begging God, pleading to Him to heal my child. At that moment, I became aware of the ponderance of the situation. I am well aware that, when someone is begging God for anything, they have either lost sight of the nature of God or they never grasped it at all. I was the former. It was then I positioned myself to repent, recalibrate my relationship with Christ and move forward in power and confidence in His purpose.
Our God, the Great I AM, is loving, kind, longsuffering, forgiving and merciful, among many other astounding characteristics. As His child, His bride, His ambassador, I know without question I never have to beg. I am to function in obedience which lends itself to His authority so as to utilize His power in any situation. If when I am not seeing things alter immediately while spiritually sound, I can rest in His ultimate plan. Before the foundation of the Earth, God devised a perfect plan for my life, Sophia’s life, and the life of every human ever to enter the Earth. I trust that plan. I believe in the greater heavenly good no matter how things feel or appear in the moment.
Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
II Corinthians 5:7: We walk by faith, not by sight…
Romans 5:3-5: Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Content in Weakness, part III
On behalf of such a man I will boast; but on my own behalf I will not boast, except in regard to my weaknesses. For if I do wish to boast I will not be foolish, for I will be speaking the truth; but I refrain from this, so that no one will credit me with more than he sees in me or hears from me. Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me–to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (II Corinthians 12:5-10, NAS)
I hear constantly, “I will bend but I won’t break” and that has nothing to do with God’s instruction. God, as I’ve written previously, most assuredly wants us to break because, in our brokenness (utter weakness) He is able to restore, renew, refresh and altogether transform us. We’re so busy trying to be strong enough so as not to break, we miss the God to whom we cry and plead.
After my first husband abused and abandoned me, I can recall emphatically stating, “I will not be like those other poor divorcees, I will not be a blubbering, sad woman broken by a man!” Because of my frail attempt to be stronger than my predecessors who have already experienced such anguish, I became the thing I vowed I would not be and worse. Bottling all that pain and sorrow, pushing it unresolved to the bottom of my spirit only made me more crushed than at the onset. God never wants to crush you as that is the tactic of the enemy. Satan desires to sift you like wheat. God wants you broken, weakened unto death (internally), so He can produce His supernatural life through your circumstances.
If you don’t believe me and cannot find a specific Scripture stating, “God will break you to remake you”, allow me to point you to every person of God who ever accomplished anything for God’s glory and the benefit of the person and multitudes of people. Struggles come to all who have a huge assignment. Some examples are: Jesus, Joseph, David, Mary (mother of Jesus), Mary Magdalene, Ruth, Daniel, Jacob, Abraham, Sarah, Moses, Apostle Paul, Job, Esther, Jochebed, Pharaoh’s daughter (Moses’ adoptive mom), Samson, Peter, Joseph (Jesus’ adoptive dad), and Nehemiah.
Certainly the list goes on and on. Read Hebrews 11. There’s literally a list of men and women who were slain literally to physical death so as to withstand the mocking of the anti-Christ spirit facing them. God’s ambassadors must be able to withstand the wiles of the anti-Christ and the only way to accomplish this is to first take us to a breaking point. God was their Portion no matter what earthly portions they were looking to lose. The breaking brings a person of God to the brink of total loss so that their gain is in Jesus alone.
For me, I can lose my husband, my children, my loved ones, my home, my car, money and worldly possessions and survive, but do not remove Holy Spirit because I would not survive. He is my solace, my comfort, my strength, my faith, my life. Without Him, I have nothing, I am nothing, and there is nothing of value. Breaking is a blessing; it is one of our greatest benefits.
Chapter 7, Content in Weakness, part II
“Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong (II Corinthians 12:10, NAS).”
“For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God (I Corinthians 2:2-5, NAS).”
“We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor (I Corinthians 4:10, NAS).”
Most people, including the majority of mainstream Christians, view strength and weakness incorrectly. Even the most devout of believers think they can somehow be strong enough to overcome their dilemmas with working or praying harder when all that is required is rest. We seem to perceive weakness as bad and fleshly strength as good. At the heart of the matter, that thinking is backwards.
Above we read in several texts that only in our weakness can the strength of Christ prevail through us. It is when we are strong in the earthly sense that we, inadvertently, block the power of God. For me, it wasn’t until life went terribly wrong and my own strength failed that I was able to see God for the first time with clarity and intimacy. It wasn’t until I was stripped of family and friends that I was able to say, “I cannot do this, this thing called life.” Growing up in a common denominational church, I was certain I had great spiritual maturity by the time I graduated high school. It was because of this warped perspective that I could not hear the voice of God or receive His admonishment or direction.
I didn’t think I was boasting; I merely saw it as a fact that I was mature. After all, I was no less mature than the spiritual “elders” surrounding me. As it turned out, we were all spiritually weak because we thought ourselves so strong and wise. As we read above, our faith definitively and without question cannot reside in the wisdom of men. Our only strength comes from recognizing our irreversible weakness. When I think I’m something or somebody, I fail to see Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection abiding through me.
Paul writes in I Corinthians 4:10, “We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor.” This man was anointed of God to write the majority of the New Testament, yet he made himself a fool for Christ’s name’s sake. Too many want to boast in their righteousness, power, strength, authority, ability, or things of the like and, in so doing, they miss the power, presence, strength, authority and the glory of Yahweh.
Weakness is the best place to be if you want to experience the move and presence of Yahweh. When God’s people begin to understand and accept this simple concept, we will be better equipped and “well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” People throughout denominational churches proclaiming the power of God are still operating with the power of their flesh and don’t realize it. They may have good intentions but by utilizing their natural strength, they’re omitting God. Often people are operating in soul-power as was used by Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. I discussed this in detail in Looking for God, so I won’t elaborate here. Holy Spirit power ruling all our natural abilities and soul is the only power from which God’s people should draw. I highly recommend Watchman Nee’s book, The Latent Power of the Soul for further insight on this subject.
I’m baffled it’s already been three weeks since last I blogged, but that’s how it goes when you have a child who is perpetually dealing with various illnesses. I’m writing today just to share my heart. I think, no, I know there is a misconception floating around that those who are followers of Christ are never down, never upset, bothered, or affected by their surroundings. As a Christian author and minister, I teach with voracity how to overcome the obstacles of life and I purpose to live that which I preach to others.
Notwithstanding, people of the deepest levels of faith have bad days. Just because we function in absolute trust in the Lord does not mean we’re bubbly and overflowing with positivity like we live in a bubble. The bottom line is, there are days I cry or rather, days I want to cry but literally have no opportunity to do so. There are days when I am just shy of being overwhelmed by the situation. Case in point, Sophia has been throwing up 11 or 12 weeks to date. In that time, I’ve attended multiple meetings with the school, an attorney, doctors, and the superintendent in the attempt to fight the school system so as to keep them from calling truancy (which was successful), dealing with losing our insurance due to Michael having lost his job of 20 years the end of December, attempt to pay bills with money we do not possess because his new job won’t render any real money until May, run back and forth to MUSC (2 hours away) for multiple doc appointments, run a household as well as minister to others.
With all that, I have zero time with my husband – ZERO. Frankly, I miss him. He’s working long hours so as to build a sales clientele and, by the time he comes home, we try to spend time together as a family and then everyone passes out. We have lost all our saving paying for doctors and medication along with the loss of his job. In our nearly 16 years of marriage, we have had 1 vacation and that was a trip to the beach with two two-year-olds…not what I would call a vacation as that is a lot of work! Life is hard enough with a normal setting with healthy kids, but life with a chronically ill child – I have no words. I cannot properly express the exhaustion, sorrow, and altogether madness of dealing with the day to day. No one could possibly understand other than someone in these shoes.
Here is the “so what?” No, we are not to remain in a funk or depression as that is not of God. We are not to spread our sorrows to any listening ear. Yes, we are allowed days where we can admit to the difficulties. Confess there is a present struggle to someone you can trust who won’t be judgmental and will lend godly counsel as needed. Sometimes we simply need a friendly ear and prayer.
God is faithful. God is good and great and kind and merciful. Above all, God is loving. Knowing this, I am sustained. Knowing this, I am at peace. Knowing this, I can push through the worst of days. Knowing this, I maintain the Living Hope, which is Jesus Christ. Knowing this, I can allow myself a moment to cry or even a moment to be frustrated without beating myself with guilt for having a bad moment. The best of people can have the worst of days. Cut yourself some slack and then allow the hand of God to raise you in spirit, soul, body and mind. He is faithful.
I Peter 1:3-4: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you.
Chapter 7: Content in Weakness, part I
No Shame in Weakness:
“So the last shall be first, and the first last (Matthew 20:16, NAS).”
“Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God (II Timothy 1:8, NAS).”
“Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. (Ephesians 6:13, NAS).”
“Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God (I John 3:21, NAS).”
There have been times in the last many years with all the suffering we’ve endured with mine and Sophia’s health that the “righteous” have shunned me. At my weakest, they accused me of hidden sin, unrepented sin, demonic oppression, and more. I knew I had “done all” as directed in Ephesians 6:13 so I didn’t allow myself to buckle in shame at their negative words.
Spiritually, we prayed, declared healing, repented of everything we knew, bound away spirits, released Holy Spirit, pleaded the blood of Jesus, broke generational curses, anointed with oil, and had elders lay hands in prayer. Physically, we took the proper meds and saw the appropriate doctors. I literally knew of nothing more to do spiritually or physically. When the accusations came and “friends” departed, I stood unashamed before God, man and demons. God had previously spoken to me of the forthcoming period of trials and false accusations so I was as prepared as one could be. All I could do was stand unashamed expecting great and mighty things on the other side of the suffering.
I also knew God was not allowing this to be quickly removed so as to temper, humble, and refine me and my household. I refused to be ashamed though there were weak moments when I questioned, “Am I doing all I am called to do in order to expedite healing?” Though I have never been prone to guilt and shame, believe me, there were moments when false accusations would bear down on me trying to make me go into hiding from embarrassment.
The Father always kindly reminded me this life offers plenty of trials and tribulations, but they are God’s tools to refine, perfect, and grow us in love, faith, perseverance and hope. As I mentioned in chapter three, perception is reality. With a heavenly reality, I could with ease pull myself together and refuse the condemnation coming from the brethren. I stand patiently in His Word knowing the first will be last and the last will be first. In other words, the last are the weak but, when God raises them from their weaknesses strengthening them as upon the wings of eagles, they will become first. Don’t let shame hurl you into depression. Firmly and confidently expect the unexpected because God displays His goodness when it seems most unlikely and impossible.
If my heart does not condemn me before God in whatever is happening, I do not need to allow condemnation from man to overwhelm me. I am not ashamed of the Gospel and I purpose to walk in all His ways. Knowing the fact that Holy Spirit forewarned me of treacherous weather which would be a lengthy process to navigate, I reject shame, guilt and condemnation. That which God is orchestrating, I will not allow anything or anyone to knock me over in guilt or feelings of inadequacy. I take up the armor of God and stand against the currents of life. Suffering of many forms comes to all who stand with the Lord. Keep your heart clean and the rest will resolve itself in due season.
With a God-visual, I can weather any storm and not be shamed in my weakness. I don’t have to buckle when naysayers accuse me unjustly. I check myself, then I stand unwaveringly knowing the excellent outcome is not only forthcoming, it’s already complete in the spirit-realm. My faith is in the Father. In fact, because God prophesied this was coming, I can recognize the growth which was required in me. The only way to usher such growth was through the stormy gale. For where I am weak, He is strong. No one can become content in weakness unless there is weakness present. Content means no shame and no pride; there’s only ease in the process.
This blog is a continuation of the previous one two weeks ago dealing with the school system. I’m certain someone out there can relate. I am still wrangling the school system and their threats of calling truancy, which is absurd on multiple levels. At a 504 meeting last week, the head of the homebound committee said accusingly, “This has gone on long enough. It’s getting out of hand.” Ummm…what? Her reference was that we were using the homebound services too long and Sophia needed to “get back in school.” I have been relatively frustrated after a useless hour and a half meeting. I have had to hurriedly pull all her files, labs, excuses and obtain fresh letters from doctors explaining the situation. This lady demanded “we must have a diagnosis” to which I responded, “There are several. It’s all in the paperwork previously submitted.”
It genuinely takes a lot to rile me but, at one point, I literally walked out. I was fed up with this woman talking down to me about Sophia as though she were a number on a check-list and worse, a delinquent cutting school. My sweet child has never broken the law in her life or been in trouble for anything. I had to listen to this woman berate me as though I were nothing, as though my child was faking. Parents in my shoes, can you relate to this? Have you had dealings with your school system trying to force your sick child to attend school when they cannot? It is madness. Apparently they’re only concern is money and reputation.
More and more I’m hearing of parents, good parents caring for their sick children, being carted off to jail because their kid is absent. Forget the fact they’re legitimately ill with proper documentation; that doesn’t seem to suffice with many of the district’s regulations. I found it interesting that this woman pulled out demands and when I asked, “Is that a new rule?” she cited “It’s in the handbook.” What this reveals clearly is the rules are fluid, not concrete. They can use them with whomever whenever they feels so inclined.
My sadness and concern comes with knowing there are plenty of good parents who have no connections, who cannot afford an attorney, and who may not have kept good records so as to pull them out at will. What are they to do? Where are they to go when threatened with truancy and jail time? Many are single parents working more than one job and definitely could not afford the necessary tools to fight the system.
I have reached out to our local news channel who investigates unresolved disputes in the community and they are interested in the outcome if next week’s meeting renders no resolve. I have no qualms with going public, no fear of the juggernaut that is the school system at large. I’m tired of the government having their hands so deeply imbedded in my child’s life she isn’t allow to be sick lest her parents get thrown in jail for keeping her home. My encouragement and my joy, as always, are knowing God has a plan. I am confident the Lord has previously won this battle, yet we all must go through battles to get to a better place. I do not waste time worrying or losing sleep over any of this as my God is my defender. I do my due diligence, I follow their rules and I’m proactive both in the spirit-realm and the natural.
Deuteronomy 20:4: For the Lord your God is He who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.
II Chronicles 20:17: You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.