unity

How To Get It Right: Being Single, Married, Divorced, and Everything in Between

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How to Get It Right

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (II Corinthians 6:14, KJV).

Unequally Yoked:

Right out the gate, most everyone can quote this Scripture above, yet few comprehend the depth of its meaning. For example, when I was growing up, I was taught that “unequally yoked” meant that no Independent Baptist should mix with any other type of Baptist (Southern, Free Will, etc.) and definitely, we were not to intermarry with any other “foreign” denomination such as Lutheran, Methodist, and absolutely not with a Pentecostal or Presbyterian! Also, no person should ever mix with anyone outside their race, nationality, political or social status. Then there is the actual reality that no follower of Christ should marry a non-follower of Christ. 

In the Old Testament, God clearly instructed His people, time and time again, that they were not to marry outside their race. What was God’s motivation in this command? Was He prejudice against skin color or language that He created? No. God gave this command to keep His holy people pure of other gods, of worshipping anyone other than Himself. We must remember that the Old Testament was about things manifesting in the natural. The New Testament was about things happening in the spiritual. The Old Testament always mentioned how people looked externally. The New Testament does not speak of outward appearance. The reason is that things come first in the natural, then in the spiritual. Therefore, being unequally yoked has nothing at all to do with anything external, but spiritual.

I Corinthians 15:46-47 states: “The first man, Adam, became a living soul. The last Adam became a life-giving spirit. However, the spiritual is not first, but the natural; then the spiritual.” In the grand scheme of things, the spiritual is first in so much as God is Spirit and He has no beginning and no end, but this reference is written for the Earth, for mankind. We are physical man (natural first), but, through Holy Spirit (spiritual second), we are able to become spiritual. It’s all about keeping things within God’s perspective and order.

Since God chose to leave out external appearance in the New Testament, we must pay attention and follow suit. He omitted it for a purpose. We are to owe no man anything but love. Money issues aside, it translates, “All men owe every man love, regardless of anything external.” With that understood, we can eliminate any false meaning for being unequally yoked that has anything to do with outward appearance, including, and especially, skin color. As far as denomination is concerned, God is not a God of denomination, but our heart condition. If a black Baptist woman is in love with Christ and a white Methodist man is in love with Christ, what should man do to hinder them from marrying that has anything to do with God? 

To take all this even further, to be “equally yoked” in reference to holy matrimony boils down to one criterion: God’s supernatural ordination. Nothing else matters. The problem lies in how we perceive the matter of equally or unequally yoked. Again, most people have an internal checklist that they believe their spouse should meet to a tee, yet the list is generally not in compliance with God. Basically, we box God in so tightly that, no matter how clearly He reveals His will, we are too blinded by the flesh, and religious and parental tradition, to recognize. “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment,” is instructed in John 7:24.

Don’t Judge by the Cover:

My husband isn’t anything like I pictured as a child. We must realize that our appointed spouse, when we first meet, could potentially not be ready for marriage, but that doesn’t mean they never will. The issue at hand is that we often meet our God-created mate, but, since they are not on our mental checklist, we impatiently and foolishly marry the first person who comes along that fits our standard. 

Cut two tennis balls in half, switch the halves, and glue one half of one ball to a half of the other ball. Though they are the same exact shape, color, texture, and size, they will never make a whole; they are merely two mismatched halves stuck together. If you pour oil and water into the same bowl, just because they are, for all intent and purposes, together, does it make them one new thing? No. It’s merely two vastly different substances cohabitating. The point is this: just because two things appear as though they could mix, it doesn’t mean they can, will, or should. 

I fell head over heels in love with Michael when I was 15 in August, 1983, 10th-grade algebra class, upstairs, A-hall, Mrs. Ward’s class, at Lexington High School. This is the classic example of a good soul-tie, but I was simply oblivious. I took one look at him and that was all she wrote! I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know why. It wasn’t based on looks, though he was handsome; it genuinely made no sense. It wasn’t sexual, hormonal, emotional, or mental – it just was, and with no logical explanation. Unfortunately, though we were algebra buddies and I helped him pass the class, we were but acquaintances. I wouldn’t even call us “friends.” 

About nine months after we met, he moved with his family to another city an hour away. I was devastated, to say the least. I remained forever in love with him, nonetheless. I was friends with his cousin before our meeting. I would see him occasionally when he visited her. He later joined the army and moved overseas for several years. During that time, he met and fell in love with a young woman.

As time went by, I eventually married someone else, and we moved overseas. My husband said he was called to be a preacher and things “appeared” in order, godly. Though married, the two of us never became one whole. He was an abuser. He did not hit me, but abuse comes in various forms. He was sexually, mentally, and emotionally abusive. 

After separating from my first husband once back in America, Michael and I reconnected and became the best of friends. We were able to do so because he had moved back stateside, leaving his girlfriend behind. We remained friends with no romantic commitment or ties. Two years after my first husband left, I married the nice, great guy I mentioned earlier: a handsome man with a stable job and very kind. To my chagrin, we married one another on the rebound of failed relationships, which is always a formula for disaster. After two years of trying to “make it work,” I left him. We tried several times to reconcile, but it simply was not right. We did not fit together to make a whole.

In 2000, after seven years of rebelling against God (from the time my first husband left), I found myself on my face before the Almighty begging Him to show me the way to righteousness, purity, and wholeness. Though most of these stories are in my other books, my point here is that I finally submitted totally to God. I vowed that I would never again lay with anyone who was not my husband, or marry again unless and until it was as God-intended. 

The blessings in mine and Michael’s lives are flowing for many reasons. The primary reason is because he and I make one whole person. We were specifically designed one for the other. The first husband was like mixing oil and water, an apparent mismatch. The second was like those two tennis balls; we looked like a good fit but were altogether wrong. The third marriage is a perfect fit. God has blessed and blessed and continuously blesses without end. I had taken a vow of abstinence long before our engagement and marriage. Although he was reluctant, Michael complied.

Just because you are marrying your ordained spouse does not mean that the marriage will automatically override sexual sin committed with that person; sex before marriage will hinder the fullness of the blessings God initially intended. Just because you marry the person that is within the will of God, your poor conduct (fornication or adultery) before the marriage will taint the otherwise holy covenant. We must stay aligned with God before, during, and after marriage. 

Marrying your intended spouse does not give you the right to put the cart before the horse. It is altogether possible to ruin that which God intended to be pure. Our obedience in every aspect is crucial to receive the best that God longs to bestow. It isn’t that Yahweh can’t or won’t work around our sin once we are repentant, but why would anyone shortchange themselves? That would be much like Esau giving up his birthright for a one-time cup of soup!

God, in His infinite wisdom and love, created me for Michael. I thank God that we were finally able to come together as it was designed. If I had known at 15 what I know now, I surely would have waited and prayed according to God’s direction. I would have saved myself, and everyone involved in those first two marriages, a lot of heartache had I been wise as to how God ordains, not just the union of general marriage, but specific marriages. I could never explain my unwavering love for Michael back then, but now I can. 

Please keep in mind that I was a born-again Christian, and he an agnostic when we first met. By man’s standards, that would not be a union “equally yoked,” yet was altogether “of God.” This is why we must tap into Holy Spirit as soon as possible and allow our spirit-man to become awakened to hear Holy Spirit speaking, leading, and guiding. By no means could I have entered covenant with him pre-accepting Christ. However, when we allow God to reveal our mate to us, whether it makes sense to common man or not, we will enable faith, patience, and grace to rule in our hearts. 

This type of waiting takes knowing and trusting the absolutes of God. The more knowledgeable we become, the more consigned to Christ we become, the more faith we place upon Yahweh, the fewer mistakes we will make along the way.

 

How to Get It Right: Being Single, Married, Divorced, and Everything in Between

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How to Get It Right

Chapter 4: The Covenant of Intercourse, part I

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals…food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for Yahweh, and Yahweh for the body…Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, “The two shall become one flesh.” But the one who joins himself to Yahweh is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body (1 Corinthians 6:9, 13, 15-20)

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge (Hebrews 13:4, NAS).”

We Make Our Messes

When God’s people choose to sexually give themselves over to another outside the marriage covenant, in essence, they are setting their body above God making it and its desires an idol above God. Sex outside of marriage is a serious matter that has been diminished into something seemingly harmless, sinless.

God has given us direction and informs us as to the consequences of our actions. When we sin against God, especially in this arena, first we revel in it; then, when the bad seed turns into a harvest, we wonder why God has forsaken us because it’s too heavy to bear. We reason, “I am a good person. Why did God let this happen?” We must stop worshiping man (self or others) and placing self above Yahweh. Idolatry will always lead to a shattered life.

 Understanding Intercourse

Marriage is intimacy. Intimacy is communion; drawing as near to someone as possible, otherwise known as intercourse. Because this word, intercourse, is grossly underestimated, I have listed the definitions:

Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

  1. connection or dealings between persons or groups
  2. 2. exchange especially of thoughts or feelings: communion
  3. 3. sexual intercourse

Lexic.us:

  1. Communication between individuals; a commingling (to blend thoroughly into a harmonious whole); intimate connection or dealings between persons or nations, as in common affairs and civilities, in correspondence or trade; communication; commerce; especially, interchange of thought and feeling; association; communion.
  2. The act of sexual procreation between a man and a woman

Sex is merely one form of the expression of intercourse; it is not intercourse itself. Sex was created by God to be a beautiful expression of covenant commitment which changed lives for the better. It is one form of expression of life-changing covenant. Hence, sexual activity outside of marital covenant falls flat and leaves one empty and frustrated. There is a greater void to someone before they engaged in sex because there is no unity through covenant. The people are left having become “one body,” yet devoid of covenant.

As it is now, sex is destroying lives because it has not been kept sacred. The world is now flooded with fatherless children, motherless children, and childless parents (through abortion). There are teens who are parents. There are adult men and women murdering their unborn and born children because they were conceived from fornication or adultery. Sexually transmitted diseases are running rampant because society has made sexual intercourse something for everyone and anyone. God did not create sex for this purpose and we are all suffering at the hand of our own selfish indulgence, negligence, lack of self-control and abuse. God is not the problem – we are.

Marriage Covenant Requires Death

As a recap from chapter two, “For where a covenant is, there must of necessity be the death of the one who made it. For a covenant is valid only when men are dead, for it is never in force while the one who made it lives (Hebrews 9:16-17).” Entering into marriage brings death to both people as individuals and recreates them anew as one being. This is a requirement for true success, both in our spiritual marriage to God and physical marriage to people; yet it rarely happens due to our gross lack of understanding of covenant. The refusal to die to self in order to activate covenant results is disastrous for all involved! If dying to self seems extreme, understand that we don’t fully enter into the covenant of marriage until we do. In fact, when two people refuse to become selfless, their marriage covenant hasn’t truly been activated.

Take a close look at the opening Scripture of this chapter. The act of sex makes two become one. To restate, sexual activity was created as a bonding tool exclusively for marriage. It is one way (but not exclusively) for people to express unity, oneness – intercourse. It is designed to be a physical depiction of what happens spiritually with God. When we give ourselves over to another human being in this capacity, we are uniting with them, be they our created mate, or a random person we’ll never see again. This is a serious act that, especially this day and age, most people take lightly, including many within the body of Christ.

Look at what happens when we have sexual intercourse outside of the bonds of holy matrimony. People become erratic, possessive, ashamed, needy, condemned, and they feel entitled to liberties with the other person even if they barely know one another. There is a “clinginess” that takes effect, especially for the woman. This is because she and he became “one flesh” whether they understand it or not, like it or not. Sex is a spiritual form of super glue, if you will.

For the man, generally speaking, he becomes closed off and runs the other way. If there was a friendship, it flies out the window. Everything becomes awkward and uncomfortable. This is because they both gave and took what wasn’t theirs to offer or receive. This is God’s law in motion; the law of “two become one flesh.” It’s like the law of sowing and reaping; reaping a bad harvest as a result of sin is not punishment but rather law in motion. So it is with sex outside of marriage.

Philadelphia: A Kingdom Call to Brotherly Love

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Chapter 15: Stop Challenging One Another

 When, oh when, will God’s body understand the power of unity? With all the verses (listed below) on unity and the many others that accompany, why are those who are called by Christ’s name still in constant discord? We are called to unity, to the same mind of Christ, the same judgment of Christ, and the same operating procedures of Jesus and His holy Kingdom. There is power in unity and we sit back bewildered that we have no power – it’s baffling we haven’t figured out the problem which is in plain sight. And, for those who’ve discovered the problem, why haven’t they taken steps of correction?

God’s dictum is for mankind to abide His instruction so as to save us and glorify His name. We must stop the quarreling, which will insist we stop being offended around every turn and bend of life. Scriptures definitely speak for themselves. What more can I add to convey the message of unity?

The Power of Unity:

They said, “Come, let us build for ourselves a city, and a tower whose top will reach into heaven, and let us make for ourselves a name, otherwise we will be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.” The Lord said, “Behold, they are one people, and they all have the same language. And this is what they began to do, and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them (Genesis 11:4-6).

With unity, anything is possible, anything. The Trinity said that nothing was impossible for the people who positioned themselves in unity against Him. The Tower of Babel was for the purpose to overthrowing God to make their names exalted above God’s. Why else would They (Trinity) have responded as They did by dividing the peoples’ ability to communicate via speech? It’s because, when in unity, they could accomplish anything. The quarreling, fighting, bickering, and all-out war among the brethren has to come to an abrupt end so as to dismantle the grip of Satan within us.

I earlier quoted, “A kingdom divided against itself cannot stand.” Why does the professing body of Christ quote this, yet misuse the very nature in which it was written? I have seen bodies of believers use it against other denominations and even against similar denominations which are deemed to be a threat against them. People abuse this word so as to annihilate their brethren and people outside their communal circle.

The body of Christ needs to come off her high horse, so to speak, humble themselves, and pray repenting of their discord and division. We need to cry out to our holy God so as to realign our frivolous, divisive ways. Let us unify. A great more can be accomplished if only we’d unify. There is power in unity whether among believers or non-believers. Non-believers actually understand this fact far more than those in Christ, no fault of Jesus who has given us every leeway to unite.

***

“Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another (Galatians 5:26, NAS).”

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will (II Timothy 2:24-26).

Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:1-3).

“Now I exhort you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be made complete in the same mind and in the same judgment. For I have been informed concerning you, my brethren…that there are quarrels among you (I Corinthians 1:10-11).”

“For you are still fleshly. For since there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not fleshly, and are you not walking like mere men (I Corinthians 3:3)?”

“What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source of your pleasures that wage war in your members (James 4:1)?”

Prejudice: The Root of the Problem

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John 7:24: Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.

Isaiah 11:2-5: The Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and strength, the spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. And He will delight in the fear of the Lord, and HE WILL NOT JUDGE BY WHAT HIS EYES SEE, NOR MAKE A DECISION BY WHAT HIS EARS HEAR; BUT WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS HE WILL JUDGE the poor, and decide with fairness for the afflicted of the earth; and He will strike the earth with the rod of His mouth, and with the breath of His lips He will slay the wicked. ALSO RIGHTEOUSNESS WILL BE THE BELT ABOUT HIS LOINS, AND FAITHFULNESS THE BELT ABOUT HIS WAIST.

 

Today I wanted to take a departure from my regular study so as to address the real problem of racism that has overtaken the whole world; the problem that has been present since the creation of Lucifer. He is the father of lies, deceit, injustice – prejudice of every kind.

Prejudice, as I see it biblically, is an attitude of seeing oneself as better than another for any reason. It can be based on social status, color, race, weight, birth, politics, age, gender, physical ability, talent, intellect, education, religion/denomination, and so on. Prejudice is anything that leads one to look down on another; to think more highly of themselves than they ought. Prejudice is the opposite of godly, Kingdom conduct. Prejudice judges according to appearance instead of the Spirit of God.

When any of us judge another according to the physical, we are as stated in John 8:44: “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” This may be harsh, but it is altogether true. The issue of prejudice, any prejudice, can be resolved only through total humble submission to the King of kings, yet few want to address the issue in this way, including so-called God-fearing folks faithful in church and church activities.

The local churches, black, white, and multi-racial, are flooded with prejudice across denominations. I know “good church folk” of various colors and denominations who are steeped in prejudice against their brother of another color and, for that matter, everyone else not like them. The sickness, the root of the problem of racism and all prejudice, is in the heart of mankind. It’s in the heart of all who are led by the devil, the one who was a murderer and liar from the beginning.

So…I ask you, “Who is your father? Whom do you serve?” If you truly serve the God of heaven and earth, the King of kings and Lord of lords, you will be a black person of honor; you will be a white person of honor. You will be a police officer of honor, a judge of honor, a laborer of honor in whatever you do, wherever you are, with whatever issue you face. You will be a person who judges, not according to the flesh of any person, but one who judges according to the righteousness of God. In this, there will be no room for prejudice and false judgment based on color, creed, gender, or anything of the natural man.

Whom do you serve? If it is God, Jesus the Christ, and you are led by His Holy Spirit, flesh will not be allowed to be your criteria for judgment.

 

I Corinthians 2:14-26: But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised. But he who is spiritual appraises all things, yet he himself is appraised by no one. For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he will instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.

 

Next time we’ll continue with the 2nd edition of my first book, What Was God Thinking? Why Adam Had To Die, released September 2014 (unless, of course, the Lord has something else in mind!). If you’re interested in more information or reading any of my books, just go to my website at www.thefierysword.com. Next time we’ll continue with part II of, Enter the Blood Covenant.

 

Peace and blessings to you all! May we be a Kingdom of God people who love and respect one another according to His Spirit. When we are united in oneness, we can’t so easily come against one another. When Kingdom (of God) culture is your only culture, the culture of the natural man is irrelevant.

 

Alexys V. Wolf

thefierysword@windstream.net

www.thefierysword.com

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